There is a common thread that runs through the energy fields of people I know who have asked me for my perspective in navigating emotional turmoil. There is fear motivation that disables people from following their heart’s intuition even though they know their actions are in complete opposition to their spirit’s true knowing.

We are all spirits (light and love) with a body and not merely bodies with spirits. We are pure love energy and when we run into situations that overwhelms us (life) we grasp for safety. Safety for us is believing that everything will be “okay” and the moment it feels like it won’t be okay then fear dominates motivations/actions/reactions and when we operate from fear then we are out of alignment with our hearts which are guided by spirit, love, god, source…… however you refer. We are given experiences because we need to learn (see) certain things. It’s not about what we experience but how we relate (respond or react) to what we experience. If everything is a lesson then the question is what are you supposed to learn? Well another question involves all the other people within your experiences; what are they supposed to learn? what did their energies agree to experience before incorporating? what lessons do they have to see? Additionally, why do you think that you need to make it okay for them but not okay for you? In other words, why do you believe with your mind (not feel in your heart) that you need to forsake yourself (fearsake yourself) for the sake of others?

Perhaps it’s about letting go and learning to trust in the only truth which is that everything works out the way it’s supposed to and rarely if ever the way we expect it should. We are all born screaming into this world from birth on and are programmed to be addicted to drama and chaos by our parents who were programmed the same way by their parents and so on…..The programming is fear based (mind, ego) reactivity instead of love centered (heart, intuitive) decisions. The perspective with which you interpret and relate to the truth determines whether or not you can know peace and the more you try to control things the more you feel out of control. Why? Because you only have influence on what is happening and mistake it for control. Life is what it is and not what you think it should be. Life is fluid and has a rhythm to it and even though you may not always like it or understand it, to trust it is to know peace. To be okay with impermanence and uncertainty is to know peace.

I know that my wife Jill was supposed to leave her body almost three years ago or she wouldn’t have. To be angry about it is like yelling at the rain when it’s “supposed” to be sunny. Everything has its purpose and its okay to not know what the purpose is but with practice and seeing things for what they are alot of it comes to make sense in a peaceful way. Your path is yours to walk and although someone can walk along it with you only you can walk in it. People get sick and leave their bodies, this is the truth of human existence and perhaps rather than fearing death which can dominate your existence it’s time to embrace life for however long you have it. The more we worry the more we miss out. Worries are illusional barriers to things that don’t exist (and might not ever exist!). The past is done and happened exactly as it should have or it wouldn’t have, and the future isn’t here yet and might not ever happen the way you think it will.

I was recently asked by a friend who was amidst a storm of yuck and trying to keep it together for her kids, “How did you resolve losing your love and being at peace and being in a good place?” I didn’t resolve losing love because it didn’t die, it only shifted the way I can perceive it. I healed my numerous childhood pains and fears of abandonment, being good enough, material validation, being wanted and loved …… I can feel love all the time when I breathe into my heart and many times it comes through as Jill’s love in signals like songs, or numbers, or other ways. I don’t speak non body but I can feel it. Your heart is the best navigator of your being and when you can be aware of what your mind is trying to sabotage then take a few slow breaths and come back to heart center where your alignment is with love, god, spirit, and source….

It’s interesting that I was asked about resolving my lost love. Resolutions have already been made by many of you to begin this new year. When I look at the word I see re-solution. Trying to find a solution again to the same something that I was not able to solve before and once again running into this pattern that does not serve your spirit. You see, when you attempt to solve with your mind a pattern that was imprinted in you then you are trying to think your way through something that can’t be thought through. That doesn’t work because it is putting a bandage or cover up on a wound that has deep emotional roots. I know that you only want to be “happy” and feel the good stuff but without feeling all your feelings then you will never know true joy and peace but instead temporary states of distraction disguised as satisfaction.

You eat or drink too much because……… you don’t feel worthy or handsome or pretty? you are stuffing down or numbing emotions that you can only suppress with distraction? you don’t believe you deserve to be loved? You put everyone else before yourself because…. you don’t value your own feelings as much as others? you feel loved and validated when you make others “happy”? you are afraid to speak up for your needs because you are afraid you won’t be loved or will be abandoned? Why do you believe that changing yourself from the outside in will make you happy? See what I mean? Your patterns are heart rooted disruptions that have been festering since childhood and presents themselves in a plethora of sabotaging ways. And this tangled infection of reactive emotions steers you precariously through your existence. When you only change the circumstance and not the pain then you can only elude sadness but cannot escape it.

Are you ready, once and for all, to get to the root of the problem instead of ping ponging yourself through however much time you have left in your body? Of course you are. You’re always ready and right now is the time to start where you are. First: slow inhale, pause at the top, equally slow exhale; three times. Next is feel how your energy comes down into your heart space and grounds you to the earth again. You’ll notice that your head isn’t racing in circles as much when you slowly breathe. Have you ever noticed that when your mind is racing you hold your breath? Noticing this is recognizing a pattern in you. You now understand what it is like to recognize a pattern in yourself that doesn’t serve you without judging it as good or bad, or right or wrong; just seeing it for what it is. This is how to begin the process of healing. Your willingness to see your patterns with compassion and non judgment is the beginning of healing.

It took me a solid year of feeling all feelings no matter how ugly they got, and they were horrible at times (wailing on the floor for hours until my bronchial tubes ached), for me to get through to a deep knowing contentment and peace. I no longer get tossed by life’s waves but instead have learned to accept them for what they are and learn to surf more and more. You don’t learn to surf if you are not willing to fall down and get up and choke on water along the way. I would not change any part of my experiences as I have gratefully come to know and like myself as I have not ever in my decades of existing. I promise you that I did not like all the experiences and I can see how stuck I was and I am thankful. When I look back I see that one year of investment in my heart and spirit healing and all the pain it brought up and finally released was less painful than a lifetime of carrying it around and creating more pains from it. When we try to run from our sadness we create more sadness but from heartbreak you will find hearbreakthrough. One last perspective for you to consider; you don’t get physically out of or into shape overnight and the same goes for your emotional/spiritual shape as well. Wishing you peace, love, friendship, and joy. namaste