“We are travelers on a cosmic journey- stardust, swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. Life is eternal. But the expressions of life are ephemeral, momentary, transient. Gautama Buddha, the founder or Buddhism, once said,

“This existence of ours is as transient as autumn clouds.

To watch the birth and death of beings is like

looking at the movements of a dance.

A lifetime is like a flash of lighting in the sky,

Rushing by like a torrent down a steep mountain.”

We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to love, to share. This is a precious moment, but it is transient. It is a little parenthesis in eternity. If we share with caring, lightheartedness, and love, we will create abundance and joy for each other. And then this moment will have been worthwhile.”

I read the above in a book by Deepak Chopra awhile ago and it resonated with me. Lately I have been thinking about sadness, grief, and pain and how powerful it is. Also thinking about happiness, joy, and love. These thoughts were abound Friday night as it was one year earlier that Jill was negligently misdiagnosed.

What I wondered is, if I trust that there is a natural rhythm to life (which I do) then why is it that negative energy is given so much power when there are bounties more positive energy on which to tap and live? In other words; why is it that when a majority of one’s life is “a joy full of memories” it gets superseded by a brief yet terrible grief and why the grief and sadness become the power center by which one operates? I am not judging it as right or wrong but am certainly intrigued by it.

What I mean is why is it the 1% has so much control over the 99%? It’s as if the positive energy is the 99% and the negative energy 1% yet the smaller percentage holds the power (or is it overpowers?) It’s my ‘Occupy Negativity’ movement.

Getting my 99% to step up takes awareness and work and that in time the nuances of life are more recognizable and therefore easier to trust that all is as it is. I also know that I look at, recognize, and honor all my feelings for the first time in my life. Perhaps that will change, or not.

I know that Jill was supposed to leave her body or she wouldn’t have and that complaining or playing the “should haves” is an illusory game that has no bearing on what was. What was was because everything is always as it is; even if I don’t like it, understand it, or agree with it. We are all part of nature and nature happens. Its like I said before; worries are illusions, they are not real, and they have no bearing on right now and right now is where I am.

I also know that Jill (her essence, energy) is not dead, it is changed; she just does not have a body anymore and I am becoming more at peace with this. I miss her and would do anything to have her back in her body and that is the truth and also not possible. I am not able to hear her like she was able to of others without bodies but I do know that she is here, there, everywhere; helping me to guide me. When I say guide I do not mean that I am in control but rather a trust and knowing that whatever will be will be and I will honor, without judgment, what it is that it is when it becomes so. I really listen to me. If crying then I cry until it is done and then let it go. When I laugh it is real and true and does not have guilt mixed in. Feelings shouldn’t be judged as good or bad or right or wrong. They are natural, right? So why not respect them and give them their due. When the feeling is done, or doesn’t suit anymore, perhaps a different feeling will take its place, or not.

Each time I respect and hear (not just listen) to my gut (inner voice, instinct, intuition) my me gets stronger. It’s a sometime brutal, sorrowful workout, believe me, and still worth it. I know that love is the ultimate and that is worth the resolve. Triggers are reduced and laughter is rising. Namaste