Worth The Hurt

Laughter is the best medicine. It is also best to practice it proactively. I do not know how I would have survived this transition if weren’t for levity and a curiosity for life. I connect with people through my heart and with humor. I always tell my prospective clients that if there is a heart connection and we have a laugh then we will likely work together.

I cannot tell you how often I laugh during the day but it is often. I make myself laugh all the time, laugh at situations, and laugh with my friends whenever I speak with them. No class clown here but a quick wit and humility can go a long way in any relationship. Well almost any. With this being said I find it curious that so many people find it amazing that I am able to be happy so soon after Jill’s physical departure. I also find it curious that one thing I often hear is that she would want you to be happy. Just following orders!

I know that I can choose to engage in and enjoy being here while I am or I can  choose to be broken hearted. It really isn’t a choice for me anymore. It seems as if a switch was flipped in my being that knows truth and love and will not allow anything but that. I do have an essence of sadness that still tints my spirit’s colors but it is not as intense as it was. I choose to completely allow the sadness whenever it arises and that helps release the trigger to the painful part of a memory or thought. Whenever I think about doing something that I don’t want to do and I know will make me feel the sadness and usually lead to sobbing, I do it. Listening to her seventeen voicemail messages I have saved through the years, looking at her photos and videos, or cooking foods that remind me of her. Each time I do this it hurts, but a little less, and I am able to rejoice in the pleasure of that experience for all the beautiful wonder that it is, I am, and life is. Sometimes it takes longer to come out of the sadness but I am able to let it have its voice and then it is done just as much as a good belly laugh doesn’t last forever.

When I speak with someone about my approach to being they are compassionate and amazed at how “strong” I am. I have always believed that if you don’t like something, do something about it and quit your bitchin.’ Life is a wave meant to be surfed; fall down, get up. I also know that having a human body is only necessary to be here and that our existence is way beyond this physical blip. So with this knowledge I can not feel as woe is me because she is okay, I am okay, and this is just another shift in my being as much as it is a shift in her being.

To be clear, it is not easy and it is worth the hurt. There’s a new slogan. “Worth the hurt.” Not masochistic hurt but a heart centered, mindful, acceptance of sadness as much as I accept all other feelings. Each time we come back into a new body it is to spiritually clean house. Karma is the script we create for ourselves before entering our physical life that will help us to become loving, compassionate, and accepting. The lessons we are presented are not always clear but I do know that we are given many subtle and not so subtle signs as to what our path is. When we take the time to stop, breathe, and process before acting or reacting, it becomes much clearer that we are being guided. How many times do you know something in your gut, don’t follow it, and afterward say “I knew I was right.”

That gut sense is a wonderful tool that is not used enough. It can be your most powerful ally, ardent protector, and lighthouse in the fog. Trust it more and it will strengthen; because we are all part of nature and this is your animal instinct that can be developed with practice. No one or thing is infallible and sharpening your instinct does not necessarily happen overnight and it isn’t always right or wrong but it is a gift that is not often fully appreciated. Let yourself off the hook and laugh at/with life for it can be very funny if you can just take a moment to consider the source, stop, breathe and process. Enjoy as much as you can of every moment of every day for it is all temporary and wondrous. Namaste

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