Your Mind Is Your Enemy

Well, not exactly your mind but your thoughts that are created by your mind’s ego. Are you stuck, unable to change the job, leave the “relationship”, trying to make someone or something okay, repeating the same thing over and over and over?All this drama, sadness, pain, fear, and frustration are created by your ego.

It wants you to be chaotic. The windier you mind is getting blown about the more it keeps you stuck. Your ego wants you to ignore your heart’s guidance (intuition, gut instinct). The longer you stay in pain and suffering the better it is for your ego and the worse it is for your heart, spirit, body, and soul. You are always tired, fearful, and literally or energetically looking over your shoulder waiting for the other shoe to drop or be thrown at you. Your guilt keeps you from leaving because you believe (mind) that it is your responsibility to make it right or that you owe that person or situation even though you feel that you should get out, run, move on, or move out (heart).

This constraint was created in you long ago before you knew you were being programmed to exist fearfully instead of living heartfully. It took me 44 years to figure this one out and only because I was in so much pain and sadness that I knew that if I didn’t heal these wounds I would continue to exist in the world and likely die broken. I was terrified to change. Scared to let go of all that I knew to which I clung like a life raft with a slow leak in it knowing full well that it would not keep me safe or alive and eventually cause my own demise.

My fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of not having it figured out was the boulder on my soul which crushed my spirit, weakened my fragile self worth, and made me sick with allergies, illness, injury, and drama. Lots of drama. All of it self imposed because I didn’t dare look behind the curtain because I didn’t know what was there and not knowing what was there was scarier to me than the scary I was already existing with.

Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we make a shift and sometimes even then we don’t do so. I was heartbroken into a million pieces and had two choices. Heal myself or exist like this until I physically died, for I was already emotionally and spiritually dead at that point.

Somewhere inside of me there was an ember of light that wanted to burn brighter and I needed to learn how to fan that flame of love and hope. I had already tried throughout my lifetime to figure my way out of drama and pain so I had to learn a new way of doing so and that way was by stop trying to figure it all out and just let go of the “life raft”.

Let go of ill-preconceived notions of what should or shouldn’t be, who I am or thought I was, what my life needs to be happy, why I can’t be alone, and why I’m not good enough. A Buddhist quote is ‘let go or be dragged’ and this is the only truth.

I learned that no feeling is good or bad or right or wrong and that if there patterns that no longer served me then I would look at them with compassion and without judgment and see what they’re about. I learned that I can’t think my way out of emotional pain and the only way to heal it was to feel it all the way. This meant that whatever feeling arose I would allow it full expression like a wave rolling into the shore and see what was left afterward. I learned that the more I let go and stopped trying to stop feeling “bad” or “sad” feelings the stronger my spirit became and more willing to bend with these waves of emotions understanding that they were waves that come in and out, the same as nature.

I learned that these energies in motion have their purpose and to try to suppress them meant that they would arise somewhere else in a self defeating way. I learned that breath of life is literally breath of life and the more I learned to breathe when these rogue waves battered my emotional and spiritual shores the more I was able to bob up again and again and eventually learn to surf them instead of being swept under by them.

In summary I can say this: if you find that you are at a crossroads in your existence and are tired of being tired and want to know real peace and joy instead of bouts of harmony and temporary fleeting satisfaction then I suggest you try a new approach to how you are. Fighting your feelings is like yelling at the rain; don’t bother for it all has it’s purpose and even though you may not like or understand it, in time you will find that a new growth will occur and blossom into something you never knew before. Slow inhale, pause, slow exhale; three times. Wishing you peace, love, friendship, and joy. namaste

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