It is one year ago tonight that you left your body at two fifty five a m

The pain I knew at that time is indescribable and I choose to not recall again

The strength of our love and the wisdom you shared

Were the bolsters of my spirit as I wailed in despair.

I remember your uncertainty of whether your life to be fleeting

You were so connected to all your past lives that it was a question that merited repeating.

You opened my eyes and I opened your heart

Falling in love again this lifetime as if it were the very first start

I celebrate your life and I celebrate your death

For I know that we are transient with each inhale/exhale breath

I remember the love and acceptance of being

For the joy of spirit and spirit of joy were one and the same and certainly worth seeing

You soulfully sacrificed your life for me this time around

So I can truly know who I am with feet firmly rooted to ground

Thank you a million times over for being my wife

And thank you a million times over for guiding me now in my life

You guide me to stay in my heart and acknowledge what is

To embrace peace, love, friendship, and joy; however it manifests

And it did.

My new love brings me this, she is wonderful, and I am thankful beyond words

Although I will thank you aloud and again for guiding me here as if winged love borne on a bird

Blessings my love you will always be in my heart

I appreciate all that I had with you as well as now this loving fresh start.

You once wrote on a scrap “it is not what I have become, it is how I became.”

I know this to be true and this lesson of being is not in vain

I am heartful and conscious and breathing in light

This spiritual training has taught me to take flight

Thank you Jill, my love, once again for all that you are

Thank you Jill, my love, for meeting me this far.

Blessings and hugs are the best to describe

The warmth of feeling that you gave me to breathe in and imbibe.

Drunk on the elixir of truth and of love

I have finally taken wing with the peace of a dove.

Namaste

 

Sat at the beach

Chatted for awhile

The sun warmed my spirit

And took time to rejuvenate my smile

Laughed, smiled, introspected, and thought

Waves kissed the shore

An auditory symphony had been brought

Appreciate each moment

Stay in truth

It is what it is always

Awareness is the golden fruit

Love is beautiful, it is kind

It is knowing your own feelings

And thoughts before speaking your mind

Love is sharing your vulnerable heart

Knowing that it is safe

And will never be abused or neglected

Love is reciprocal, unconditional, and kind

It is caring for another’s true needs

Without self sacrifice, it is mutually nurturing

Love is a gift to be cherished and appreciated

It is not restrictive, it is complete acceptance

It is loving, even when not liking

Love is not judgmental or defensive

It is truly hearing when listening

And owning what you say

Love is sitting quietly and holding hands

It is a knowing glance at each other

It does not carry baggage

Love is magnetic and unretractable

It is rooted in mutual respect

It is abundant and available to an open heart

Love is infinite possibility

And cannot be sought, it will find you

It is to be basked in like rays on your face

Love is knowing that all is as it should be

And not trying to force the river

It is allowing spirit to guide you

Love now, do not be afraid to get hurt

For that is all in the mind

Love is the journey, not the result

It is to be shared and enjoyed

I sifted thru your ashes today, holding onto your bones.

Sentiments still lingered, even tho’ your essence had flown.

We’ve always been a soul connection through many bodies known.

From a fishing village in Bora Bora to the Pyramids and thrones.

Energies brought together, a naked eye can’t see.

But trust in love and nature and light enabled us to be and be and be.

I have no regrets; I do have waves of tears

I rejoice thru my glossy eyes our moments and our years.

We’ve learned and taught what it means to be, and

I know that you guide me to new love and to again know bliss and glee.

Your birthday was January fifteenth nineteen sixty-four.

This birthday I release your remains and once again you are a body no more.

I now lovingly release your ash and bone.

I once lovingly gave you permission to leave your body eight months ago.

And today I lovingly do the same into the eternal ocean.

The ocean, waves, and sun were always your thing.

With gratitude and love for all that you are I let you go,

I’ll see you again eventually when my own karmic bell rings.

A melancholy shroud is burdening my back.

Encumbering my battered soul to meet my heart’s love

with a fabric of woes of alas and alack.

It appears as fog in my valley of soul mist

weighing me down too sleepless to resist.

Knowing it will shift when its had its full intent

I surrender to its sensations with trust and  discontent.

I love the love of my friends

It has honesty, it has light, it is unconditional

But I am not in love any more

It escapes me like a leaf in a storm

The love I know now is more than feeling

It is light

It is guidance

It is truth in being

I do not know when I will be in love again

I do know that I will be in love again

And it will be beautiful as always

I draw upon knowledge

I draw upon love

I draw upon guidance

That I receive from above

Yesterday’s memories are memories

And tomorrow’s dreams are dreams

Both a trick of my mind

Filled with laughter and sometimes screams

Now is what I know for I do not know any other way

Secure in the knowledge that the present is the gift of a new day every day

I honor the illusions and let them float by

I see the truth from within my third eye

Trust in intuition, in instinct, in love

Make no decision from fear for that is not centered or true

It will circle back to drama

No good for me, no good for you

Honor my body, my feelings, my tone

Listen to nature and the lessons she presents

For my karma to acknowledge, and hear, and to hone

I am thankful for living

I am thankful for my life

I am thankful for the love I shared

With the woman who was my wife

Blessed are the angels who guide my way

As I struggle like a mole

Blind to sight and yet seeing with complete trust that all is as it should be

Spent this evening serving platters

Received generous gratuity and gratuitous flatters

Enjoyed those I met, there were none to regret

And the owners have taken my concerns to matter

The lobster was warm, the duck medium rare

Champagne flowed for the couple on their fourteenth anniversaire

Creme brulee and port were the best to be served

As the evening wore down, my cappucinno well deserved

Drove home tonight smiling and enjoying the rain

Not feeling nine hours earlier, not feeling that pain

The house has a chill to it but its not all that cold

For the warmth that I know here is story to be told

My eyes become heavy as I tap at the keys

I hope there are no typos as I………..

A plebian spirit is how I perceive

I know I have been here before

But it is this other way of being that grants me reprieves

Reminding, hurting and healing in symphony

Memories deliquesce into ceaseless eddies of evolution

Reinforcing oneness, love, and eternal existence

I’m trying to make what I can of my waves. Clear your throat and sing the following to the Oscar Mayer bologna music

 

 

My mel-an-choly has a first name

It’s boy this fucking sucks.

My mel-an-choly has a second name

It’s, this really fucking sucks.

I sometimes feel it through the day

And if you ask me this is what I’ll sayyyyyyyyyyy

Mel-an-choly has a way of fucking up an okay day.

A rogue wave just crashed my spirit’s shore

How quickly the sorrow washes over me.

A tidal surge of memories lay strewn about

And yet the waves continue to ebb and flow.

Indifferent to the mess it leaves behind

With strength I collect these memories.

Holding a deep breath as I dive into them

Wanting to rejoice in the beauty life’s reef

That lies within the depths from whence it came.